June 1, 2008. This morning I awoke to a beautiful Sabbath sunrise, another mile-marker, making fifty-seven days since the Raid on Innocence. Yet deep within, a feeling like pending forever, the weight of a lifetime hanging on today, clutches my heart. April 3, 2008 seems historically ancient to me now, and time since then appears rather like five thousand hours trapped in the aftermath of an earthquake holocaust of fire and smoke and aftershock.

My heart thrills with the anticipation of being free from oppression. My whole soul rejoices at the thought of my children being released from what they call "prison", yet what does this offered freedom mean? I understand my children will be returned to us beginning tomorrow, Monday, June 2, 2008. That sounds wonderful indeed, but what will they return to?

 

 

 

 

How can a mother and young children ever feel secure again under the scrutiny and supervision of those who have betrayed them so ruthlessly? What will they demand of us yet? The Court of Appeals has declared that there was not sufficient evidence presented to support the allegations against us. True as that is, still I wonder just what will they do next to create "evidence" during the next ninety days, since they are requiring our subjection to their ongoing investigations. How could I possibly give these people my confidence after the atrocities heaped upon us and our innocent children during the last two months? It is not a matter of our unwillingness to cooperate and comply. It is a matter of betrayal. It is a situation of government officials destroying my trust in the ability of the State to govern justly, lawfully, and appropriately. How thankful I am to see the Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court of the State of Texas beginning to bring injustice to a halt.

 

Consider my situation, dear friends. I am under the immediate necessity of finding a house, a car, and a job to support myself and children in order to satisfy those who hang over us like lecherous leeches, setting their greedy eyes upon my precious children. Sure, I know they claim to be acting in the best interest of the innocent, and they are so very anxious that my children be properly cared for and protected from those who would harm them. Yes, I know their bottom-line motive must be very pure and honorable, indeed, but these continued requirements, in and of themselves, present a rather drastic situation.

 

 

 

I am used to a caring and sharing environment. Where I come from, everyone lives well because we share. Life has been good because of the satisfying effort of working together. There have been no "rich or poor" among us because everyone has acted in the best interest of the whole. To make a long story short, our prior situation was such that, for example, a single kitchen equipped with many varied and quality appliances could adequately serve a dozen mothers and children; but now, with the need to scatter, that presents an interesting circumstance. Now, I need my own kitchen appliances, garden tools, office equipment, sewing commodities, etc., etc., etc., a condition of inefficiency. Now, I need to stock a home with food. I used to have a nice garden filled with home-grown vegetables, and a dairy to provide milk, butter, cheese, cream, yogurt, and ice cream. I used to have access to a wheat grinder to provide fresh wheat flour, and I also had a commercial bread mixer available to make large batches, as well as a fine commercial oven to turn out many loaves of steaming hot, fresh, wholesome bread.

I have been spoiled, I admit. I have lived very, very well in my chosen lifestyle, and now I find I must stoop to a strange and inadequate environment. I feel a little lost and bewildered, yet grateful and determined. I know that this, too, shall pass, and eventually, all wrong will be made right. I want to express my gratitude to any and all that have voiced kind and sympathetic expressions in our behalf. I want to offer my many thanks to those who have given donations and contributions to assist our mothers and children at this time of intense hardship.

I have heard a few comments from people who hold back donations, fearing that the proceeds may not actually be used to assist the women and children, suspecting the money would be used by our men for selfish purposes. This is not true. All of the men of our faith that I know are unselfish people who would sooner give their last farthing than serve themselves. All donations received are used to assist us, but there is simply not enough to go around. This is a new and uncomfortable situation, for we have been a very self-sufficient people. Contrary to accusations against us, we are unaccustomed to relying on government aid for our financial support. We are busy, happy, productive, self-motivated, industrious people. We still are, and ever intend to be, but it is true, we have been unnecessarily forced into a very compromising situation that requires a great deal of immediate attention. We very much appreciate the kind-hearted people who have sacrificed their own comfort to add to ours.

I feel anxious, yet tranquil, for I know there is a greater Power in charge than me or you or us or them. I do not wish to dwell upon the hurts of yesterday, but I feel confident in the hope of a new and beautiful tomorrow. I am grateful for the privilege to gather up my children and begin a task like never before—that of teaching and exemplifying an indescribable depth of forgiveness. People often ask me how I can stand to put up with the wrongs that have been inflicted upon us. They ask me why I am not jumping up and down, yelling and screaming, going ballistic, out of control in anger at these injustices. You know, I often think about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What did He do when they came against Him? How did He behave Himself when they forced Him even to carry His own cross? How did He respond even when they were taking His life? "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." That is how I want to be. That is my definition of dignity.

It will take time for our children to forgive and forget. It will take time and commitment and divine assistance to rehabilitate the vulnerable minds of our innocent children. But, I do feel encouraged. The deep and abiding faith of my children has resulted in character that is both resilient and buoyant, as well as pliable, and I believe that everything the Lord has allowed us to experience will add to the growth and increase of character, and will prove to be for our benefit if we trust in Him and not allow ourselves to indulge in a complaining and revengeful spirit. This is my privilege and duty.